oh. oh. oh.

So many things in life that necessitate change. So many corners that can be continually worked on.

The crux of life is know when to be content on the extent of one’s abilities.

What if I was content with the way I was? What if for one moment I said to myself “You are wonderful!”? Would this be a bad thing? Would this be wrong? I am willing to change, but am I not content because I can not tell myself “job well done”? Amidst all this thinking I am not at rest. I want to find contentment. Want to know I am horrible and mixed up, yet wonderful and beautiful; full of needed changes, but doing the best I am able to do. Where does this balance come from? Will it come?

Confusing...

I asked God to show me the meaning of life. Not just the meaning of life, but the meaning of my life.

I am realizing that there is an extent to my human abilities.

Why is it hard to find the meaning of my life? Maybe its because I am realizing that there are many meanings to my life. By meanings I mean passions. Passions that are present now, and passions that lay undiscovered... Katherine Anne Porter said, “The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty, even one's own—even more, one's own, for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being”. I want to achieve this balance: the balance of knowing contentment in one’s heart with who they are, while striving to be more aware of one’s flaws. I want to acknowledge my own greatness. I want to be satisfied with the work and life I am living.

I am looking for someone in life to walk along side of that has this balance. Who is a challenging me, but basks in the awesomeness of me. Why is this so hard to find?

kate m. b.