No sleep tonight. I am up and stirring. Stirring in the lights of the computer. Looking for rest. Thinking of many thoughts. Listening to the tunes of my favorite artists. Striving to hear what my Abba is thinking right now. Trying to balance the thoughts of a great thinker vs. the thoughts of someone like me--literally me! I am equipped with books and internet yet still can not find the peace I seek. I am looking for clarity. Seeking it with every fiber of my being. Wanting to hold it in my hand and grasp it for myself.
Thought I had clarity of mind. Thought I had clarity of spirit. Thought I had clarity of heart. Little did I know that tonight in the wee hours of the morning I would be questioning it. I am seeking truth. I am wrestling with thoughts of faith in practice. Knowing I am sick but healed. Knowing I am at peace, yet in unrest. I am crying out to Him to know the thoughts of the Master. I am looking for balance.
It is one of the those seasons of hunger. A season to know what God is thinking. I believe I can know what God is thinking. I believe He is active and present in my life and that my spirit communes with Him. I am communing with Him right now. Praying and seeking His clarity.
It is scary when hunger for the matters of the Spirit begin to fade and burn out in my life. I am so thankful beyond words of expression for that thirst. I feel so lost without it. Like a flame extinguished. I need to be re-lit. I know that I am designed to distinguish truth. To divide right and wrong. To live in a balance of spirituality and reality.
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